Goals. Everyone has them, even if they don’t know it. It feels silly to list them out for the whole word to see. Well, maybe not the whole world. And maybe it doesn’t feel silly if your goals are to, say, own your own business or become partner in a law firm. But goal-setting somehow feels silly to me. Maybe that’s because my goals are “star in movies” and “be a lead on a hit TV series”. But, I’ve been doing some serious thinking about these goals of mine and I’ve come to some conclusions.
If I ever want to achieve any goals, I have to set them. Sounds simple, right? All of the greats set goals. I’ll use some tired Olympic allegories here. Michael Phelps lists his goals and puts them on his night stand. They are there when he wakes up and there when he goes to sleep. Shawn Johnson had a vision board. Guess what was in the center. A picture of the gold, silver, and bronze medals from the Bejing Olympics.
Why does it sound so crazy to me? I mean, I have to have goals set in order to reach them. That part sounds logical. But why am I judging what my goals are? And why do I feel like I have to share them with anyone? I don’t. They would be mine, just for me. And anyone who judges me for my goals…well. Easier said than done.
But where does the “silly” feeling come from. I’m a major list maker. I make lists for groceries, Target, to do. I make lists of lists. Those are goals too. Small, albeit, but still goals. Maybe if I look at it differently. As a to do list instead of goal setting.
So, I’ve created my vision board and I’m working on listing my goals. Hopefully they won’t sound so silly after a while.
Tuesday, September 30, 2008
Monday, September 29, 2008
Say What You Mean
Why don’t we ever say what we really mean? I think it would make things so much easier. There would be no confusion, no mixed messages. Unless you live in Greg Behrent’s world of “there are no mixed messages, he’s just not that into you”. I just don’t get why some things are so hard to say. “I like you” being the hardest thing to say. I know there is a delicate game of cat and mouse when it comes to dating, especially when you’re on a mission not to have sex too soon. Because it can’t be all about the sex. It just can’t. Relationships don’t survive it. Also, I want to really know I care about someone before I sleep with them. And that they care about me. I also want to really know them. What a concept.
But, really, why is it so hard to say how we feel or what we think? Especially when we don’t know how others will react. Somehow it’s not as hard when we know what the response will be, even if it’s bad. What is the fear of the unknown that we all have? And, more importantly, how do we ever achieve anything. Do we learn to put the fear aside? Or are some people just born without that particular fear gene? I don’t think it’s the latter.
Fear controls so many things. It controls the country at the moment. We are all locked into a regime based on fear. We are so afraid of terrorism that we have handed over our civil rights. (Why am I surprised that people are not concerned about the civil rights implication held in denying gays the right to marry?) We are so afraid of Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban and Al Qaida that we have participated in racial profiling of the worst kind. Fear can stop us in our tracks when it is time to stand up for what is right. It makes us look the other way when six million Jews are murdered. It makes us turn a blind eye when women are stoned to death for having sex outside of marriage but the men they are sleeping with are not. Fear stops us from living our dreams because they are too wild or unrealistic. Fear also controls our hearts. We are so afraid that the answer might be no that we do not put that first signal out there that this might be more than friends. We are so afraid of being hurt that we don’t allow for the possibility that we won’t be.
How do we get past that fear? Women who fought for our right to vote managed to. Those who march in protest and travel to foreign countries to bring aid to suffering nations do it. Monks have set themselves on fire in protest. Surely that is overcoming fear. What is the secret? Is it knowing that what you’re doing serves a higher purpose than holding onto the fear does?
Love, on paper, seems silly in comparison to civil rights for everyone, ending world hunger, and peace on earth; but without it, not one of those things is possible.
But, really, why is it so hard to say how we feel or what we think? Especially when we don’t know how others will react. Somehow it’s not as hard when we know what the response will be, even if it’s bad. What is the fear of the unknown that we all have? And, more importantly, how do we ever achieve anything. Do we learn to put the fear aside? Or are some people just born without that particular fear gene? I don’t think it’s the latter.
Fear controls so many things. It controls the country at the moment. We are all locked into a regime based on fear. We are so afraid of terrorism that we have handed over our civil rights. (Why am I surprised that people are not concerned about the civil rights implication held in denying gays the right to marry?) We are so afraid of Osama Bin Laden and the Taliban and Al Qaida that we have participated in racial profiling of the worst kind. Fear can stop us in our tracks when it is time to stand up for what is right. It makes us look the other way when six million Jews are murdered. It makes us turn a blind eye when women are stoned to death for having sex outside of marriage but the men they are sleeping with are not. Fear stops us from living our dreams because they are too wild or unrealistic. Fear also controls our hearts. We are so afraid that the answer might be no that we do not put that first signal out there that this might be more than friends. We are so afraid of being hurt that we don’t allow for the possibility that we won’t be.
How do we get past that fear? Women who fought for our right to vote managed to. Those who march in protest and travel to foreign countries to bring aid to suffering nations do it. Monks have set themselves on fire in protest. Surely that is overcoming fear. What is the secret? Is it knowing that what you’re doing serves a higher purpose than holding onto the fear does?
Love, on paper, seems silly in comparison to civil rights for everyone, ending world hunger, and peace on earth; but without it, not one of those things is possible.
Saturday, September 27, 2008
Understanding
There are so many things in this world that I don’t understand. I’m a pretty smart girl and that’s still not an understatement. But there are definitely things that are well beyond my comprehension. I don’t understand racism. More importantly, I don’t understand the racism that people have for themselves. It is beyond my comprehension. I would like to believe that we live in a world where the color of your skin is not what is holding you back. And I think I’m right. I don’t think it’s the color of your skin anymore. I think it’s the way your carry yourself and the responsibility for yourself that you claim. Or don’t.
I also don’t understand religion. I thought that religion was there to bring us closer to God. Isn’t that the purpose of faith? I didn’t think it was there to serve as a cause for war and hate. Those, to me, are the opposite of what God is. I didn’t think it was a doctrine by which to live or denounce others with. I also doubt that religion was put into place to serve as a platform with which to steal elections and admonish homosexuality. Dishonesty and judgment also seem to me to be completely contradictory to God.
Another thing I don’t understand is hypocrisy. I know we are all guilty of it. Sometimes there are special circumstances. But, I don’t understand how we can harshly judge some while not others, case in point - Sarah Palin. She is a complete oxymoron. She is a woman-hater living in a woman’s body. Her political views could not be further from what I hold to be a feminine ideal. She is anti-abortion. That belief is one that I can sort of/maybe/partially understand. Abortion should not be used as a form of birth control. It is not a cure for irresponsibility. However, isn’t the worse crime bringing an unwanted child into this world? But, I digress. Sarah Palin is unintelligent, unaware, and ignorant. She is a disgrace to everything female. And, yet, people still laud her. Republican women enjoy the fact that she has a hard-partying, pregnant 17 year old daughter. They think it makes her more "normal", "more like us". However, I beg to ask, would they feel the same if Lynne Spears was John McCain’s pick? What if it were a 17 year old Chelsea Clinton who was pregnant? The answers to those questions would be completely the opposite of the way they view Sarah Palin. It is a hypocrisy that I have no hope of ever understanding.
I don’t understand the constant state of fear that we are living in. I don’t understand how people in the Bush Administration feel that is successful. What about your country living in fear, being hated by the rest of the world, and your government suspending civil liberties and calling it the Patriot Act sounds like success? What have we traded for “security”? Security that’s not even secure, for that matter? I don’t understand why we hear the tales of warning of Muslim extremists but never the Christian ones. Where are the cries of terrorism when someone bombs an abortion clinic? It’s still terrorism. And it’s terrorism based on religion. Doesn’t that fall into the same category? What about when one gay man is brutally beaten and murdered by a group of angry, hateful people? Isn’t that terror?
I also don’t understand religion. I thought that religion was there to bring us closer to God. Isn’t that the purpose of faith? I didn’t think it was there to serve as a cause for war and hate. Those, to me, are the opposite of what God is. I didn’t think it was a doctrine by which to live or denounce others with. I also doubt that religion was put into place to serve as a platform with which to steal elections and admonish homosexuality. Dishonesty and judgment also seem to me to be completely contradictory to God.
Another thing I don’t understand is hypocrisy. I know we are all guilty of it. Sometimes there are special circumstances. But, I don’t understand how we can harshly judge some while not others, case in point - Sarah Palin. She is a complete oxymoron. She is a woman-hater living in a woman’s body. Her political views could not be further from what I hold to be a feminine ideal. She is anti-abortion. That belief is one that I can sort of/maybe/partially understand. Abortion should not be used as a form of birth control. It is not a cure for irresponsibility. However, isn’t the worse crime bringing an unwanted child into this world? But, I digress. Sarah Palin is unintelligent, unaware, and ignorant. She is a disgrace to everything female. And, yet, people still laud her. Republican women enjoy the fact that she has a hard-partying, pregnant 17 year old daughter. They think it makes her more "normal", "more like us". However, I beg to ask, would they feel the same if Lynne Spears was John McCain’s pick? What if it were a 17 year old Chelsea Clinton who was pregnant? The answers to those questions would be completely the opposite of the way they view Sarah Palin. It is a hypocrisy that I have no hope of ever understanding.
I don’t understand the constant state of fear that we are living in. I don’t understand how people in the Bush Administration feel that is successful. What about your country living in fear, being hated by the rest of the world, and your government suspending civil liberties and calling it the Patriot Act sounds like success? What have we traded for “security”? Security that’s not even secure, for that matter? I don’t understand why we hear the tales of warning of Muslim extremists but never the Christian ones. Where are the cries of terrorism when someone bombs an abortion clinic? It’s still terrorism. And it’s terrorism based on religion. Doesn’t that fall into the same category? What about when one gay man is brutally beaten and murdered by a group of angry, hateful people? Isn’t that terror?
Our Own Worst Critics
What is wrong with the way we see the women in our country? I was watching some “special” on stars that are too skinny on some supposedly music channel. You know the kind. The ones that are named for music or videos but only play fake reality shows and exposés on celebrity life or the things that you could have if you were a billionaire. Anyway, as I was watching these D-list celebrities commentate on the condition of these other-list stars, I realized something, something very eye-opening, harsh, and infuriating. We are a completely sexist nation. And women are the worst.
We expect our female celebrities to be perfect in looks and behavior. The public expects perfect bodies and, therefore, the industry demands it. If someone looks a little fuller, we instantly assume their pregnant. Or, worse, getting fat or lazy or that their career is over. We make public sport of finding the “worst bikini bodies” and mocking the heavier set actresses as they stuff their faces. Women starve themselves to work. The thinner an actress becomes, the more likely she’ll work. Or at least the more famous she’ll become. Then she receives positive reinforcement for her anorexia/bulimia/pill popping.
However, there is a fine line that they all walk because, the next thing you know, they are splashed across the tabloids and paraded on television as being too thin. Then, we all speculate that they are, in fact, anorexic/bulimic/a pill popper. They, in turn, respond that they have just gone off birth control and are naturally this thin. Or that they are just eating healthier and working out more. They do this because you cannot be anorexic/bulimic/a pill popper and be a role model for young girls. You cannot stay a working actress if you are any of those things.
But, the truth always comes out. We inevitably find out about their “crazy” habits and we crucify them for it. We attack them for being bad role models, a pedestal we put them on without ever even asking them if they wanted to be there. We chastise them for needing that approval. We rake them across the coals for wanting to be anything other than “who they are naturally” because we cannot accept that we are the ones who did it to them.
We expect our female celebrities to be perfect in looks and behavior. The public expects perfect bodies and, therefore, the industry demands it. If someone looks a little fuller, we instantly assume their pregnant. Or, worse, getting fat or lazy or that their career is over. We make public sport of finding the “worst bikini bodies” and mocking the heavier set actresses as they stuff their faces. Women starve themselves to work. The thinner an actress becomes, the more likely she’ll work. Or at least the more famous she’ll become. Then she receives positive reinforcement for her anorexia/bulimia/pill popping.
However, there is a fine line that they all walk because, the next thing you know, they are splashed across the tabloids and paraded on television as being too thin. Then, we all speculate that they are, in fact, anorexic/bulimic/a pill popper. They, in turn, respond that they have just gone off birth control and are naturally this thin. Or that they are just eating healthier and working out more. They do this because you cannot be anorexic/bulimic/a pill popper and be a role model for young girls. You cannot stay a working actress if you are any of those things.
But, the truth always comes out. We inevitably find out about their “crazy” habits and we crucify them for it. We attack them for being bad role models, a pedestal we put them on without ever even asking them if they wanted to be there. We chastise them for needing that approval. We rake them across the coals for wanting to be anything other than “who they are naturally” because we cannot accept that we are the ones who did it to them.
Are We Addicts?
Are we addicted to each other? We have advanced so far with technology that we can be in constant contact. Maybe technology is the addiction. I mean, the constant contact is actually contact without contact. We can talk 24 hours a day and we don’t have to be strapped to a landline. We can talk on the phone while driving, shopping, and, with the aid of hands-free devices, while typing, sewing, or whatever else comes to mind. Via the remarkable internet, we can even video call each other. But we never even have to be in the same room to see each other. We can even access our email at a moment’s notice thanks to the amazing Crackberry, I mean, Blackberry. Our addiction has already become a joke.
But doesn’t all of this non-together togetherness beg the question, “how much is too much?”? In a world where we can shop online, never leaving your house has become a real possibility. Actually, I’m sure it’s a reality for some. You can have visual and telephonic contact with people. But, what about touch? I feel like I have a ton of friends, yet I rarely see them. We are all so busy that we only have time for the occasional phone call or email. As a matter of fact, we rarely even email.
Maybe the actual addiction is busyness is the addiction. We all so love to be busy that we’ve overscheduled ourselves to the point of some sort of controlled hermit-ism. Did we ever stop to think that maybe there is such a thing as too busy? If you’re too busy to schedule time to yourself, a date, drinks with the girls, a drag show with your favorite queen, or time to buy a new pair of jeans, you’re too busy. If you’re so busy that you don’t remember the last time you had a day off, you’re too busy. If it’s been over six months since you got out of town, you’re too busy.
I think it’s a uniquely American problem. In other countries, work is left behind at 5 or 6 PM and family time is treasured. Capitalism has created a monster. We must be the only country that believes in 60 hour work weeks in order to afford the mortgage for that huge house for that family that we wanted to have but never have time to see because we are working so much.
We are all addicts in this country. We judge the self-medicating the hardest. But, we all have an addiction in some way or another. I think it’s time for all of us to enter rehab. Maybe it’s a week without email or a cell phone. Maybe force yourself to take that vacation you’ve been dreaming of for the past six years. Maybe downsize so that you don’t have to work so hard. I wish it were going to be easier, but rehab never is.
But doesn’t all of this non-together togetherness beg the question, “how much is too much?”? In a world where we can shop online, never leaving your house has become a real possibility. Actually, I’m sure it’s a reality for some. You can have visual and telephonic contact with people. But, what about touch? I feel like I have a ton of friends, yet I rarely see them. We are all so busy that we only have time for the occasional phone call or email. As a matter of fact, we rarely even email.
Maybe the actual addiction is busyness is the addiction. We all so love to be busy that we’ve overscheduled ourselves to the point of some sort of controlled hermit-ism. Did we ever stop to think that maybe there is such a thing as too busy? If you’re too busy to schedule time to yourself, a date, drinks with the girls, a drag show with your favorite queen, or time to buy a new pair of jeans, you’re too busy. If you’re so busy that you don’t remember the last time you had a day off, you’re too busy. If it’s been over six months since you got out of town, you’re too busy.
I think it’s a uniquely American problem. In other countries, work is left behind at 5 or 6 PM and family time is treasured. Capitalism has created a monster. We must be the only country that believes in 60 hour work weeks in order to afford the mortgage for that huge house for that family that we wanted to have but never have time to see because we are working so much.
We are all addicts in this country. We judge the self-medicating the hardest. But, we all have an addiction in some way or another. I think it’s time for all of us to enter rehab. Maybe it’s a week without email or a cell phone. Maybe force yourself to take that vacation you’ve been dreaming of for the past six years. Maybe downsize so that you don’t have to work so hard. I wish it were going to be easier, but rehab never is.
Karmic Confusion
I think people are a little confused. Well, that goes without saying. But I think people are especially confused on the idea of karma. In the traditional, Buddhist (read – actual) definition, karma is what we sow in this life to be reaped in the next. It is not something that comes back to us next week or next year or when we least expect it. It is part of the path to enlightenment. It is something that is more eternal than “don’t be an asshole so no one will be an asshole to you”. Yes, it helps determine whether or not you will be coming back as an ant or a dog or a human again. No, it does not mean that if you give a bum $5, you will find $50 on the street – that just means that you will be out five bucks.
So why do we feel that if we do good, good will happen? Maybe it’s just that exchange of positive energy. Maybe is the putting out into the universe of that positive energy.
So why aren’t we more positive? I mean, we’ve all heard of The Secret. We all want to believe that it’s true. We all want good things to happen to us. So why don’t we want good things for others? Isn’t there enough good for everyone? I don’t understand why there is so much anger, hate, and intolerance in this world when we are so capable of peace, love, and understanding. Is it so much harder to extend love? I am as culpable as anyone. I get angry at the guy who cuts me off or the person with 11 items in the express lane or that we need “Caution: Hot” on the tops of coffee lids. But, how do we change that? How do I transform the hateful feelings into love-filled ones?
Maybe it all starts within. Maybe, if we love ourselves enough, we can love others and live more peacefully.
So why do we feel that if we do good, good will happen? Maybe it’s just that exchange of positive energy. Maybe is the putting out into the universe of that positive energy.
So why aren’t we more positive? I mean, we’ve all heard of The Secret. We all want to believe that it’s true. We all want good things to happen to us. So why don’t we want good things for others? Isn’t there enough good for everyone? I don’t understand why there is so much anger, hate, and intolerance in this world when we are so capable of peace, love, and understanding. Is it so much harder to extend love? I am as culpable as anyone. I get angry at the guy who cuts me off or the person with 11 items in the express lane or that we need “Caution: Hot” on the tops of coffee lids. But, how do we change that? How do I transform the hateful feelings into love-filled ones?
Maybe it all starts within. Maybe, if we love ourselves enough, we can love others and live more peacefully.
Living in the Part-Time
So far, I have been pursuing acting in Los Angeles. Waiting around for motivation is much more like it. I have spent the past six years jumping from lousy roommate to lousy roommate to tiny one bedroom apartment. Don’t get me wrong, I love my life. I have great friends and the freedom to do whatever I want. I also have two part-time jobs and no time for a real life.
I’m tired of living the in the part-time.
It’s time to start thinking about the future. I want more than this life. I’ve always known that acting was what I wanted to do, even when I was a kid. But now, that I’m really living in the world, it seems like an ill fit. For an actor, the mechanics of it are pretty easy. Stand here, hit this mark, and remember your lines. You don’t even have to cry, they have glycerin drops for that. Sounds great, right? Until you hear Julianne Moore say that she feels like actresses are paid not to eat. Until you hear about the horrible plastic surgery mishaps that lead to misshapen faces, different sized breasts, scars, and even death. Until you hear that girls as young as fifteen are being told to lose weight or that a beautiful nineteen year old girl who is a size two has been told she “carries too much weight in her hips”. Until you hear that the man who told her that is a record producer who is also her boyfriend. Until you hear someone utter Stanley Tucci’s line “six is the new fourteen” and mean it.
Everything in this town seems to be part-time. You meet people here and are instantly “good friends”. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard, “oh, my friend so and so,” come to find out, they met once in a bar. I have met so many people who have cried, “We should definitely hang out, give me your number and we’ll get together”. I know they are plans we’ll never keep, but why do we even say we’re interested?
Most people I know can’t even commit to a relationship full-time. The last guy I “dated” had three girlfriends in the time that we were “hanging out”. Others just want someone to sleep with to pass the time. Don’t get me wrong, casual sex can be fun, but it seems like all anyone is looking for in this town is a part-time fuck. And even the good ones of that are few and far between. No one wants to commit, just in case something better comes along. Look, I’m just a guilty as any guy and maybe that’s the problem. We’re all so focused on reaching our goals of fame and fortune, that we’re holding off on our relationships. A lot of us don’t want kids. For those of us that do, we’re just not ready yet. The only thing is, we’re all in our late twenties, and time is running out. This non-worry over children leads to a lackadaisical view on getting married. No one’s in a hurry. Not that you need to be. Right now, I couldn’t imagine getting married and starting a family.
And don’t even get me started on jobs. We’re all just working here until our “career” takes off which, of course, leads to a bunch of bitter, forty-something servers at your local Tony Roma’s. This town was built on part-time jobs. I mean, whoever heard of a city where you need three references, two years experience, and a friend who already works there to get a job slinging ribs?
I’m tired of living the in the part-time.
It’s time to start thinking about the future. I want more than this life. I’ve always known that acting was what I wanted to do, even when I was a kid. But now, that I’m really living in the world, it seems like an ill fit. For an actor, the mechanics of it are pretty easy. Stand here, hit this mark, and remember your lines. You don’t even have to cry, they have glycerin drops for that. Sounds great, right? Until you hear Julianne Moore say that she feels like actresses are paid not to eat. Until you hear about the horrible plastic surgery mishaps that lead to misshapen faces, different sized breasts, scars, and even death. Until you hear that girls as young as fifteen are being told to lose weight or that a beautiful nineteen year old girl who is a size two has been told she “carries too much weight in her hips”. Until you hear that the man who told her that is a record producer who is also her boyfriend. Until you hear someone utter Stanley Tucci’s line “six is the new fourteen” and mean it.
Everything in this town seems to be part-time. You meet people here and are instantly “good friends”. I cannot tell you how many times I’ve heard, “oh, my friend so and so,” come to find out, they met once in a bar. I have met so many people who have cried, “We should definitely hang out, give me your number and we’ll get together”. I know they are plans we’ll never keep, but why do we even say we’re interested?
Most people I know can’t even commit to a relationship full-time. The last guy I “dated” had three girlfriends in the time that we were “hanging out”. Others just want someone to sleep with to pass the time. Don’t get me wrong, casual sex can be fun, but it seems like all anyone is looking for in this town is a part-time fuck. And even the good ones of that are few and far between. No one wants to commit, just in case something better comes along. Look, I’m just a guilty as any guy and maybe that’s the problem. We’re all so focused on reaching our goals of fame and fortune, that we’re holding off on our relationships. A lot of us don’t want kids. For those of us that do, we’re just not ready yet. The only thing is, we’re all in our late twenties, and time is running out. This non-worry over children leads to a lackadaisical view on getting married. No one’s in a hurry. Not that you need to be. Right now, I couldn’t imagine getting married and starting a family.
And don’t even get me started on jobs. We’re all just working here until our “career” takes off which, of course, leads to a bunch of bitter, forty-something servers at your local Tony Roma’s. This town was built on part-time jobs. I mean, whoever heard of a city where you need three references, two years experience, and a friend who already works there to get a job slinging ribs?
Guilt-Free Living
I want to live guilt-free. I want to know that I never passed up doing the right thing when I could have. I want to know that I never hurt anyone intentionally. I want to live in a way that replenishes this planet instead of stripping it. I want to give back in the most effective ways that I can. I want to leave a mark on people's hearts instead of the earth.
Is this possible? What will it take to get there?
Is this possible? What will it take to get there?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)